The years seem to whizz by these days. Time is more precious than it used to be and I’m more aware now of the things I do to waste it. I’m not talking about procrastination, not being time-efficient or even doing things I don’t enjoy. I mean wasting it by wishing it away. That’s why, this year I’m not making resolutions. I don’t want to spend my time – this sunny January afternoon for example – thinking about something else, somewhere else, worrying about the problems ahead or yearning for an imaginary future. It’s too easy to focus my energy (for a while – maybe even into February) on an abstraction and not noticing what’s going on now. Not that I want to put on scratchy socks and stout boots for a face-aching walk to take advantage of the day, you understand. I’m very happy here, inside and warm, thanks, writing this as the sun streams in through the window.
On goals and assumptions
‘If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll end up somewhere else’.
I’ve been examining this maxim in the last few weeks. I used to trot it out without thinking when I wrote career development programmes. In the context of a career development plan, it makes sense, and it also makes sense to know (more or less) what you’re aiming for. But I’ve become impatient with it for myself. It jars. I feel uncomfortable with it. ‘So what?’ I think.
So I thought I might rewrite it. And as I put my mind to the task, I realise that it’s fine as it is. I’m struck by a couple of assumptions I’ve been making about its meaning:
- One – that I have to know exactly where I’m going and what I’ll be doing in the future.
Temperamentally, I’m not suited to this idea. I feel nailed down to certainty, boxed in.
… but that’s not what it actually says. I’ve given it my own meaning.
- Two – that I can control my future. If I have a goal and make a plan, it will all work out and I’ll get to where I want to be.
Now I feel frogmarched. What about opportunities? Surprise and delight? Stuff happening? And what about all the effort it takes to stick to the plan? I’m exhausted already.
… and again, all this is meaning I’ve imposed on it. In the sentence, there’s no particular value attached to ending up somewhere else, nothing there about effort or even about planning.
So what is my point about this statement, you might be asking. It’s this. I just haven’t looked at it properly. I’ve loaded it with meaning, some of it conventional, some implied and some my own. I’ve filled it with ghosts of my own shoulds and oughts and reinforced them with an unthinking and conventional understanding. That’s what I’m reacting to.
Filed under: Career Coaching, Life Coaching by Melanie on
Add a comment »